Untitled - March 17, 2025
00:00:00 Unknown: Hi, I'm Denise, a mom, a wife, a business owner, a friend, a sister, a recovering perfectionist, and host of the Working Moms Redefined podcast, Thank you for being here. Let's join together in community as we break free from the mom guilt that so many of us feel and thrive in our fulfilling careers and raising good kids. Thank you for spending time with us here at the Working Moms Redefined Podcast. My name is Denise and it is a pleasure. For you to join in on a sense of community that I believe is truly unlike any other. We are working moms who are really living. A fabulous life. However, we feel, feel that push and pull of the mom guilt we want and love. A fulfilling career and we want and love spending time with our children. We want to raise them to be the best versions of themselves that they can be. And that requires us to show up. Period. When it's good and when it's not so good. And that's okay. The second part, as I alluded to in our first episode of Working Moms Redefined, you're not the mom that your mom was. And that's okay. Sometimes can hit hard. And oftentimes when things are true, they hit us harder than others. It's not a bad thing, though, to hear and say that you're not the mom that your mom was. Now, do I believe that there are elements of my mother in me? Absolutely. I have her eyes. Ever zest for life. When I apply that to our children, I have the routine. I have the structure. I have the snap. Guys, that snap of in the point. If you're on our YouTube channel, you totally just saw. I have that down pat, if you will. I don't use it quite as much as I used to. However, there are elements of the way in which I was parented by my mom that are still ingrained and I utilize each and every day. However, there are elements that I don't. It's not a bad thing. We are different people. It should be different. I should be a different parent than my mom was for me when I was raising children. She's a different parent than she was when I was eight compared to Now when I'm thirty-four right? It should be different. However, why is it that so many of us cannot let go of the fact that, man, I didn't do it the way she did. And then we assume that more oftentimes than not as it being the wrong way. I didn't do it her way. And so it's not the right way. We are going to work together to realize that you are doing things the exact way that you should be doing them. Again, you're here. You want to learn more, which means you are an active and engaged working mom. Working moms both inside and outside the home have such beauty. We're going to really shed light on that and get you to feel a sense of validation for all that you have experienced because you deserve it. You deserve it. The Working Moms Redefined concept, right? We have lots of opportunities for us to connect outside of this podcast. But the main reason I wanted to do this, as I told you last episode, was I want you to feel loved and cared for and valued time and time and time again. And this concept Reducing the feeling of mom guilt in our minds or the power that it holds was not in my game plan. And you will learn if you don't know so already. I am a planner to eighteen last year. I transitioned from my paper planner to the online world. That was a struggle. But I'm a planner. So when this concept was laid on my heart, I was so surprised. And yet at the same time, well, duh. Why did I think of that? Because I truly do not think that I was given this. Excuse me. I don't think that I comprehended or created this. This was something that I was given by God to say, hey, go help women feel better about the ways that they are raising children and raising themselves in their career, which is why we are here. Did I get this desire placed on my heart? Well, let me tell ya. It was fun. In December of 2024. I Every year make some, not New Year's resolutions, but goals or expectations truly of what I want to accomplish. And one of those things on that list last 2024. Was attending a conference. I try to do one every other year, if not every year, but I don't like being gone too much from the kids. So I went to one in December of 24th. This event was specifically for online course creators and defining your business and creating it the way in which it needs to be that fits your lifestyle. As I headed into this, I was feeling elements of Burnout, pressure, stress to levels that I didn't necessarily know were not super healthy until I felt what it was like to have those removed. Then I was like, oh, hindsight's 2020, right? That's what I was feeling. So we're at this conference in Phoenix, Arizona, and we are sitting here. I am a Midwest girl, grew up on a farm. Have not been exposed to as much as probably others on the east or west coast have been. And so as I'm walking into this conference room, there is a crystals booth over here. There are people doing meditations. There are sound baths. And instantly I'm like, oh, boy. What did, what did I do? I thought this was a marketing conference. I thought I was going to learn how to better market my business. Now, did I? Sure. And I learned a lot of other things. Thanks. So I set the scene to tell you all of this, that I was like walking into this conference, but like, what is this hippie stuff? Right. And then I sat down and of course the very first activity that the. James Wedmore of BBD Live encouraged all of us to do was, hey, you got to go meet three people and know their names and then come back. Well, I'm all about that. I'm a projector. I'm a type A. I love meeting people. I'm going to go. I wanna go meet some people. And I survey like, because you're like, who am I gonna, who am I gonna say hi to? And more oftentimes than not, right? We often go find people who look like they would be like ourselves because we like to think we're the best versions, right? And I did. I found a woman named Malia. She is amazing. She lives in Washington and she was beautiful. She looked beautiful. Relatable and conversational. And I was so right. She was so, so kind. And I loved getting to meet her. Well, then lucky for her, she was with somebody. So she brought that person right over. Kelly was her name is her name. And I was able to meet those two people. And then this healer comes to us. I, and I, I say that because that's truly what she is. Her, she's a psychic coaching business. It's amazing. And she walks right up and she goes, hi, my name is Jenna. We're friends. And of course, like, of course, of course, this is going to happen. Yes. I'll be friends with anybody. Let's all sit together. So the four of us all set together and the amount of things I learned from these women. It was a godsend. I met them five minutes and then five minutes later, yeah, maybe twenty-five We were literally all crying next to each other. And that is the power of being open to different concepts. And I encourage you to be open. To hearing maybe not necessarily what your head thinks you need to hear, but maybe what your heart needs to. Because the first thing at this BBD live conference in Phoenix, Arizona was a meditation. I know that this is a true statement. I have never in that's in until that moment. I had never in my life even considered the idea of doing a meditation. I'm not saying that I was raised in a place where that was not encouraged, but I was definitely raised in a place where that was not discussed. Like, what is meditation? You sit there with your eyes closed and then you talk about meditation. Things or you listen for things like, what is this now? Lucky for me, it was a guided meditation. However, these women that I had just met were like, okay, we know what to do. And I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm behind, right? Instantly, I'm not good enough. What am I not good enough in? Because they already know and I don't know and that struggle. And toxic conversation that we have with ourselves with negative self-talk immediately went through my brain. So as we are sitting through this meditation, you close your eyes and she, Jenny, led us through this meditation. A meditation, now that I've experienced one, is really an opportunity for you to critically think and give your voice inside your brain power that it wants. Hear what it's been trying to say. And that is what happened. So as she took us through this meditation, our eyes closed. She had us go back. Into providing ourselves examples. And I'm closing my eyes as I'm thinking back through this because it was so powerful. Providing examples for feelings that we experienced. So she said, okay, let's Let's, and your eyes are closed and it's quiet in this room and you're really able to zone in. And she's thinking, she's telling us to think about the time when we felt happiness. And what were you doing? Do you see my voice just got, it got instantly calmer. What were you doing when you were experiencing this moment of happiness and joy and contentment? And she went through these positive feelings and then she transitioned and she then Jenny asked us, she said, When was the last time that you experienced sadness? I like to think of myself as a happy, energetic, Lively, joyful person that also experiences sadness, but I. Don't give the sadness as much weight in my life and in my brain because I know what can happen if you do from seeing others, right? And so I said in that and I was like, oh, well, like two days ago, this was a Thursday. I, Tuesday night, that previous Tuesday night, we were sitting around the dinner table, Sydney, Hudson, Jeremy. We were talking about mommy's going to leave. And you know how you think about when you leave and their infants are under two and they don't realize that you leave and you're like, oh, I hate to leave them. They're going to be so sad. Yeah, that's nothing on a six and eight year old that love hanging out with you and then maybe pressure you and thinking, mom, why do you have to go? Don't go. Right. So as I'm sitting around this dinner table, I felt sadness. I didn't feel guilt. I didn't feel shame for leaving them. Which is growth if I tell you anything. But I was sad. I was sad about the fact that I was going to miss their Christmas concert the next day. I was sad about the fact that I was leaving During the holiday season and not getting to spend time with them when they bring home their gingerbread houses right I built this sadness up in my mind and tears fell around that dinner table and they again did not put any pressure on me but I experienced a sense of sadness. And so as I was reliving this moment, I'm like, okay, thanks a lot, Jenny, right? She then posed the question, well, why, why were you sad in that moment? Well, instantly I said, well, I didn't want to leave him. And then she continued asking questions, right? So I'll take you kind of through my stream of consciousness that day. And so as she asked, well, why were you sad? And I said, I didn't want to leave them. Well, why did that feeling happen? Or answer, why is that justified? Well, I don't love leaving my kids. That's why it's justified. But then she kept taking you a step further. And who says that that's a wrong reason? Who says that the fact that I don't want to leave my kids or I feel as if I shouldn't leave our children. What if there's another person out there who enjoys leaving to go experience life and fulfill their own dreams and hopes and wishes and they feel joy? Why do you choose to label it as sadness? And as I'm sitting there, I'm like, oh my goodness, this is deep. I love this. And then I thought, hmm, my mom never left me. When I think about it, my mom. Worked inside the home until I went to kindergarten. She did not leave my sister and I for work trips. She adjusted her schedule to fit our lives. And I'm not doing that. This is where I get teary because I felt the heaviness of that and that mix of heaviness weighed from I'm not doing that. And she did so much. My children don't know the mom that my mom was for me at that age. And I'm yet comparing me as a mother to her when things are so different. And I'm different and I want to be different. So then why do I feel a sense of sadness? Well, it was because she never left me and I'm choosing to leave them. I'm choosing me, which then I thought, oh my goodness. Did my mom ever choose her? Of course she did in different ways, but that was one that she chose because she wanted to. I chose leaving to go to a trip because I knew that I was going to learn so much and thankfully I did because This is how the Working Moms Redefined podcast came about. And so as Jenny had us sit in that meditation moment, okay. You now know why you're sad. You now know the feelings and the desire and maybe even the reason of your sadness. What would you say to that person? To make it all better. What would you say to you that now understands why they are sad about this? What would you say to them? And that is when it was laid on my heart to say, you're not the mom that your mom was. And it's okay. It's okay. I, I seriously get chills thinking about it because that did not, that was not on my radar. And yet I needed to hear myself say that to me. And I want you to know that you can say that to you too. You can say, I'm not the mom that my mom was and that's okay. Because you are good. You are a good enough mom as who you uniquely are today. I would say you're better than good enough. You're amazing. And you are the exact person that your child needs to be led by. But sometimes it's okay to hear somebody else say it too. And so in that moment, she snapped her fingers and she said, open your eyes. The feeling that you just experienced, that sadness that you hopefully now have overcome, somebody else is feeling it. Go create a business around that concept and you will heal people that you didn't even know existed. Okay. I have, I should have brought it. I have the business card. It is on the back of my business card in that very moment where I jotted down. I want to help working moms feel less of mom guilt and feel good enough. And then I wrote down the phrase, you're not the mom that your mom was and that's okay. So then that was the Thursday, right? And we still had several days of the conference. So around these women that I had just met, I turned to them and I said, guys, what is this? And that saying that phrase, as I said it to a healer, a psychic, a, an accountant and a former teacher who now helps teachers. Better educate them to read to their kids. They looked at me and they said, oh, wow. Cause they've all experienced and felt it too. Which is why then as business ideas were created and okay, now this, this is what I would love to create a podcast around because it's not only me. It's you too. You're part of this story as well. And as the design elements of this concept continued, it was on my heart that I needed my mom to know that I hold no guilt towards her, right? I was the one that made me feel like I wasn't good enough. She didn't do it. Now, I'm not saying that that's the case for you. It could be an element there. And maybe that's part of the hard conversation that you have with your mom. All right. Maybe that's a conversation for another day, if you will. But I knew I needed to talk to my mom because before I could pour into other women, I needed her to know. That this was not in spite of her. This working mom's redefined concept and podcast and business was not in spite of her. It was truly because of her in all of the right ways. As I put together a guest list for who I thought experts and working moms and people we can relate to would fill your hearts and souls and ears honestly. With kind and good words, I knew instantly the first person I wanted to have speak to all of you was the one who spoke to me first. Man, I didn't know that was going to get me. Because you deserve to know that you can have hard conversations and you can also let hard conversations go unspoken for now. But I also wanted to give her a lot of credit in knowing that I am who I am in part because of her and redefining what a working mom looks like is not because she wasn't good enough. It's because I'm different. And with that being said. The next episode. Is with my mom, Beth Donnelly. And I haven't even spoken with her yet on this podcast, but as I even preview that for you, I tear up. So I would imagine that you are probably going to be like, oh, this girl's going to cry. That's okay. She will too. And it's because there's joy and love that we want you to feel about the mom that you are. That is different than your mom was. Join us on the next episode to learn more and hear from my mom. Thank you for listening to today's Working Moms Redefined podcast episode. We would love to connect with you beyond. Check out the show notes for our socials, workingmomsredefined.com, and any templates that we may have mentioned in today's episode. It is my absolute pleasure to get to live life with you. And if you think someone would benefit from today's message, please share that with them so we can connect and help them in this next season of life. We learn best from one another and when we join in community and we are so honored that you've chosen to spend some time with us to thrive in your career and raise great kids. Thank you.
